How to be happy: Some tips for cultivating contentment
Happiness just doesn’t happen to us. Happiness or what I like to call contentment is something that we have to cultivate and make happen.
In my line of work one of the most frequent comments I hear is “Doc I’m just not happy with my life.”
Through my work with thousands of individuals and couples I have learned that happiness can be elusive but contentment is not if you follow
these simple steps.
1. Live in the moment
Focus on what is happening in the moment. If something, in the moment, is stressing you out then think about your choices. Are you able to change anything about what is happening? If yes, then what choices can you make that would have the best outcome for you and those you love. Make the choice and let it go. If no, then ride out the situation and go with the flow. Worry and despair about things you can’t change can make your day miserable if you let it.
2. Express Gratitude
Every day I practice giving thanks for what I have in my life. The loved ones in my life and good health are just several examples. I also practice gratitude when I am paying my bills. Sounds strange? Think about this. There are some people who have lost their jobs and aren’t able to pay their bills. Some people have had medical emergencies and aren’t able to work and lost their jobs and homes. I am grateful for everything that comes my way in life.
3. Accept Responsibility
Every day I hear people say something like, “well my husband did this to me so I’m miserable.” My response would be why are you giving another person power over how you feel. Recognize and validate your feelings and concentrate on what choices you can make to feel better. Each of us is empowered to make choices that can send us down a positive path or a negative path. When you find yourself pointing your finger at another person, point it back at yourself, and uncover what your responsibility is in the moment. Make sure you make the right choices for you. You can do whatever you want but recognize that every choice you make has consequences.
4. Recognize its your choice
Every day we are faced with choices that can affect us in positive ways or negative ways. When something bad happens we can choose to focus on the negative and spin out of control or we can choose to focus on the choices we do have. Try to practice Love and Logic with yourself. Meaning, don’t beat yourself up or judge yourself for whatever has happened, but recognize you are a flawed person. We all are flawed and we learn from our mistakes or from the difficult times we have. Practice loving yourself, being kind to yourself, and logically think about the choices you have. Remember the choices you make will affect your behavior, your mood, and possibly the rest of your life. Wonderful thing is that we actually have choices.
5. Cultivate Optimism
Consciously work on developing a habit of seeing the positive side of things. Please don’t let the negatives color your whole outlook on life. Remember to accept responsibility for your feelings and cultivating optimism will certainly do that. When bad things do happen in your life think about what you learned from this situation, instead of how horrible things are, accept responsibility and move on. If you are not optimistic by nature then it may take you some time to practice changing your pessimistic thinking. Be conscious and recognize the negative thoughts as you are having them. Remember you are the director of your life and you can do anything that you put your energy into.
Remember contentment is not the fulfillment of what you want. It is the realization of how much you already have.
These are just some of the steps to living a life of contentment and to learn more about the process of contentment please feel free to contact us at
Rockafellow Psychological Services to learn more.
